The little Kender one

2003-12-20T20:34:00.000-08:00

"Grasp"
Gentle vibrations, strong, constant.
It washes into ears in an entrancing dance.
Thrive forever on that murmur.
Pulsing everything needed, everything that you are.
Pulsing into me your strength, your optimism.
A heavy bass changing the course of my flow.
A drum in my frame.
Empowered, ensnared, lulled and pacified.
Slipping from the clasp.
Caught again in another trap.
Rims, surrounded by deep water.
Sprawled on the sandy beach of your eyes.
Lift the delicate blossom to your light.
Tender, nourishing, kind.
Tipping into the void, loosing myself.
Laying bare, exposed, frightened.
Reach out from my earthy window.
The beat catches me and I reel back into your arms.
Constant, strong, vibrations gentle.

2003-12-09T17:31:00.000-08:00

Raw, that’s what it is. I feel raw, like meat, hamburger style. Raw, exposed, callused. “For a second please hold me.” I’ve been hit with the wind and rain and sleet and hail, I await the smite of lightning. “It’s colder than before, the seasons took all they had came for. Now winter dances here. Seems so fitting don’t you think, to dress the ground in white and gray.” It burns and seethes, all toil caught in my heart. It reeks and drips into my veins making me bitter. A bad taste in my mouth and I hang my head in shame. “These are not words. They’re only feeling.” My gut stirs and wrenches, a storm, a storm. It crawls inside and shakes me up. “I tell myself, I keep repeating, that your ways are bringing you to me.” Faith, I try to cling to. Prayer, hope, sanctity, a quietness, please let there be peace within! “Hear my heart. Cried out and told of wonders that I feel” Let me out, I’m trapped, I can’t breath! It’s suffocates, my lungs are pressed. Gasp and cough. “Have I no control, is my soul not mine? Am I not just man destined to be defined?” I’m lost, which way to go? Everything is open, now landmarks of familiarity open and black. Too open, no wall to hide my back against. Clutch the ground. “I can say that you’re loosing me. I try to keep my soul tied to this world. No tears no sympathy.” Ambiguous! Ambiguous! Ambiguous! Ambiguous! It’s scattered. Incomplete. Lost. I am. “Engage an impulse to pretend. Entertaining thoughts that I’ve the strength of those I yearn to be. And what will happen? Will I dream? I am too scared to close my eyes.” I’m ready to burst. I’m raw and full. The tears are hot, the salt sears and scorches… But it feels good, the raw leaks out of me as I burn, like smoke. Nothing but ashes and smoke. “Moments lost, but time remains. Eternity awaits.”
(All quotes by VNV Nation)

2003-12-01T17:14:00.000-08:00

I love Christmas. It's my favorite holiday. I love it because of all the rich gospel music and spiritual music my choir directors pick out for us to sing. Spiritual musicians composing something spiritual to honor the spirit, nothing seems more powerful.

I love it because of the snow and frost and the lights outside, everything is so crisp fine and fresh feeling.

I love it because the people are in good cheer. One time I was shopping and I had gotten my Father a model for Christmas, but as we were going through the mall the bag slipped and it broke. I started to cry because it took so long to pick it out, and a stranger came up to me and gave me a $20 to go buy him another.

I love shopping, trying to guess what the people around me would like to receive. I love wrapping up the presents and putting them under a tree. I love baking, cookies, rice crispies and ginger bread houses. And eating them is all right too.

I love how it brings people together, your family all crowded into the living room sipping eggnog and catching up with each other, congratulating on successes and poking fun a bit too.

I've never really experienced the mistletoe thing, because I've not yet since had a boyfriend to share it with during this time of the year. But this year I may have a person to do it with *crosses fingers* and there's the whole curling up with someone special by a wood burning fireplace that's fantastic too.

And we can't forget the wonderful Christmas movies that are broadcasted to us every year. Claymation Rudolf, It's a Wonderful Life... The good classics that Christmas inspired and now inspires others.

2003-11-30T18:23:00.000-08:00

I'm alright I think. Things are generally pleasant, agreeable, delightful, favorable, kindly and good.

What did I do today? I cleaned, did some homework, (not as much as I'd like) wasted more time than I probably should have on a forum. But it was fun. A pretty good weekend it was. Raedy to tackle another week of school.